Tidy Thoughts, Messy Thoughts

As i stare ahead at the blank page, i realize that i'm stuck. Try as i might, my thoughts refuse to order themselves into clear, tidy piles. It's funny though because it was just earlier today that she told me to let go of that need.

"You don't need to have them all nice and neat before You share them. I still want to read Your thoughts, Dal, even if they're not fully formed."

I was sitting in the Chick-fil-A parking lot after work, waiting to go in and satisfy my increasingly intense hunger but not wanting to interrupt our conversation. Every talk with her means so much to me, despite the fact that we seem to talk every other day. It doesn't matter the subject, just listening to her share her way viewing the world is a delight. I guess that's the side effect of adoring someone. But we won't wander down that road today...

"I guess i feel like i have to have a firm grasp on the idea before i share it. I have loads of things on my mind. I'd love to write about them but, i don't know... When i write about my day, that's easy. There's a clear start and an end to it. That's not usually the case with my thoughts. They don't seem to have a clear beginning or end to them most of the time."

Now, much later in the day, i find myself staring at my computer, trying my best to formulate... well, anything really. What's keeping me from typing, what it is she said i need to let go of, is a mixture of my insecurity and my perfectionist side. In a world of thousands of boring, egocentric blogs and status updates, i don't want to waste Your time. If i write something, i want You to be able to take something from it. What i write has to have a message. It has to have a message. It has to be great.

But she's right. Maybe it doesn't. That's the thing about honesty anyway. You don't need to have it all together. You just have to be open about what You do have.

I turn back to my computer and begin to type.